I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
