Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
