my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
