Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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