I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize