Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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