you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
