my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
