Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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