erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
