if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
