I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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