i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
