So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
