i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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