yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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