I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
