remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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