just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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