Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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