I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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