Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize