did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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