just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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