i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
