Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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