that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Randomize
