I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
