I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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