I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize