Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
