Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
