saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
