There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
