It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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