She said her name was "party"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
