we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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