I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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