Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
