4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize