Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
