Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
pray to the hookup gods
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
