I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
