You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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