Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
