Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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