there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
