You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
