If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
