you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
