you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
