Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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