That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
