I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
