her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
