I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
