he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
