One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
try to milk me bitch
PANTIES FOUND
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