I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
