I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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