Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
