So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
