I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
