JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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