Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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