no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
